Writing a first prospecting email that gets replies

The first prospecting email is a strange thing. It arrives unrequested, at someone who already receives too many messages, and it has about three seconds to justify its presence. The ones that get replies are not the cleverest. They are the ones that feel as if they were written for one person, by someone who understands their business.

Here is the structure we use, element by element, with what works and what puts people off.

Set a single goal: a reply

Before you write a line, agree with yourself on what you expect. Not a sale, not a 45-minute meeting, not someone reading your brochure. A reply. "Yes, let's talk", "not right now", "speak to Julie", anything counts.

That goal changes everything. It rules out ten-paragraph emails, links to three pages, attachments. It pushes you to ask a question that can be answered in one line.

The subject line: short, plain, intriguing

Subject lines that look like an advert ("Boost your sales by 300%!") are ignored or filtered out. The ones that work look like an email between colleagues: three to six words, in lower case, with no dramatic punctuation.

A few examples that work well:

• "your sales recruitment"
• "question about your sourcing"
• "Alpha and Beta agencies"

Test several subject lines in the same campaign. SmartOutbound automatically splits sends across several variants and gradually favours the one that gets the most replies, which avoids drawing conclusions from three sends.

The first sentence: prove it isn't a bulk send

It is the most important sentence. It appears in the email preview, next to the subject line, and decides whether the email is opened. It must show, in one line, that you know who you are writing to.

What doesn't work:

I hope you're well. I'm getting in touch because we work with companies like yours.

Nothing in that sentence is about the recipient. It could have been sent to anyone, and the reader senses that immediately.

What works better:

I saw that you're opening a second office in Lyon in January, and that you're hiring three recruitment consultants to launch it.

That sentence is based on a verifiable fact specific to the company, directly relevant to what you are offering. This is what we call a personalised opener. It requires reading the prospect's website, careers page or news. If you have hundreds of prospects, AI can do this research as long as you brief it well.

The problem: in the prospect's own words

After the opener, one or two sentences on the problem you solve, phrased the way the prospect would phrase it themselves, not the way your product sheet does.

Your product sheet says: "multichannel sourcing solution powered by artificial intelligence". The agency director thinks: "my recruitment consultants spend their afternoons looking for phone numbers instead of calling candidates". That is the second sentence you need to write.

If you struggle to find it, re-read your latest exchanges with current clients. The words they use to describe their problem before working with you are exactly the ones to borrow.

The proof: one concrete example

One sentence is enough, but it must be specific and verifiable: a comparable client, a quantified result you can justify, a particular method. "We are leaders in our market" is not proof. "The Martin agency in Nantes halved the time it spends looking for contact details" is proof, provided it is true.

Never invent a number. A prospect who digs deeper and finds a false claim will never reply to you again, and they will tell others.

The ask: easy to accept

End with a simple question that requires little effort. Compare:

• "Would you be available for a 45-minute demo next week?"
• "Is this something you are dealing with at the moment?"

The first requires blocking out time in their diary for someone they do not know. The second can be answered in three words. You can suggest the meeting in the next exchange, once the person has already said yes once.

A complete example

Subject: your Lyon agency

Hi Claire,

I saw that you're opening an agency in Lyon in January and hiring three recruitment consultants to launch it.

The agencies we work with often tell us the same thing when they start out: teams spend more time looking for contact details than calling candidates. We provide direct phone numbers for executives and HR managers, kept up to date and filtered by sector and area.

The Martin agency in Nantes has used them since it opened its second office.

Is this something your Lyon team is dealing with?

Paul

Fewer than 100 words. No link, no image, no attachment. An opener that no one else could receive, a recognisable problem, proof, a question.

The mistakes that put people off

• talking about yourself first: "We are a young innovative company founded in 2019..." ;
• empty phrases: "I hope you're well", "I'm just reaching out", "Don't hesitate to get back to me" ;
• links and images in the first email: they add nothing and harm deliverability ;
• fake familiarity: "Re: our conversation" when there has never been a conversation. It is dishonest and people see it ;
• length: beyond 150 words, people stop reading and start skimming ;
• a one-page signature, with a logo, banner and inspirational quote.

Re-read it as a prospect

Before sending, read your email as the recipient would, on a Monday morning, with 80 unread messages. Ask yourself three questions: do I understand why someone is writing to me? Do I understand what they are offering me? Can I reply in ten seconds? If any answer is not yes, rewrite it.

The first email is only the beginning: most replies often come after a follow-up. Read more in our guide to follow-ups. And if you want to save time, SmartOutbound writes a first draft of the whole sequence from your website and your goal, which you review and adjust before launching. Try it for free.